Missed It

An addiction only addicts can romanticize,
poems written on hips and thighs.
You smile, warmly, with your eyes;
you don't know I'm keeping lies.
Secrets - like hot air - rise
up my throat, to my lips: chastise.

Bile burns my mouth and lips,
as cold skin begins to rip
from the metal I've learned to worship.
Bubbles, oozes, and drips.
Why not just one more trip?
At risk is just a friendship.

It's getting old; it's getting tired.
Don't have the will that is required
and every attempt is bruised and mired.
Words reused or long expired,
leave so much to be desired.
So, I'll just lay here uninspired.

And read this verse as my confession:
the truth in words I couldn't fashion,
a warning of the deepest caution.
Love and hate, a bubbling caldron:
ridged and rough and smooth and silken
with all the mysteries that lie within.

I loved him in ways that are listed
on limbs that are whithered and wilted.
I'd say the words if they existed,
if their spellings weren't rank and twisted.
The tale's too mangled and maliable and misted
and though I told you, I knew you missed it.

*****************************************

What this is really about is something I'm eternally unable to articulate which is why it winds up making no sense. It's like: something happened and you should know, but I can't wrap my head around it; therefore, I can't explain it.

But, really, you don't want to know anyway, so it's probably for the best that the words are gone (or were never there to begin with). And for the sake of not losing more people I love, my teeth are locked tightly atop my tongue.




"I'll just lay here uninspired, feeling bad that I threw you away..." Kevin Devine Confessional At 6am

A Luncheon With God And Satan

This is the short play I wrote last semester for Creative Writing. I've been meaning to post it and I just kept forgetting. Blogspot really doesn't format scripts very well. :/



Cast:
GOD – El
SATAN – Beelze
BOYFRIEND – Unnamed pagan deity

Synopsis:
GOD and SATAN meet to discuss what to do with the madness down on Earth, whether to begin the apocalypse. “Beelze” is short for Beelzebub and is GOD’s nickname for SATAN. “El” is a Semitic term meaning “GOD” and is SATAN’s nickname for GOD. The setting is GOD’s kitchen which includes, at least: a refrigerator (with bottles of water and orange juice inside), dishwasher, coffee maker, mugs / glasses, and a newspaper. There are finger sandwiches in the center on the table which go untouched.

****
(God sits at a table in the kitchen of her home talking with her BOYFRIEND who is preparing coffee. BOYFRIEND is wearing a flannel work shirt and jeans while GOD is dressed in a white sundress.)

GOD
(To BOYFRIEND) Why is she always late?

(BOYFRIEND sets a mug of coffee down on the table for GOD. He holds his own mug and takes a seat at the table.)

BOYFRIEND
Character flaw?

(Doorbell rings. BOYFRIEND answers and walks back into the kitchen, now accompanied by SATAN. SATAN is dressed in a red sundress, similar to GOD’s, and has tiny horns protruding from her forehead.)

GOD
Beelze!

SATAN
El!

(The two women – Beelzebub and El - embrace. BOYFRIEND fixes SATAN a mug of coffee.)

GOD
How are things in Hell these days?

SATAN
It’s summer all year ‘round. I can’t complain too much. And Heaven?

GOD
Pretty good. It’s been abnormally warm, actually. Humans are only now starting to admit that global warming exists. They’ll never believe it affects Heaven too!

(GOD and SATAN take seats at the table.)

SATAN
Well, humans have always been pretty narrow-minded creatures.

GOD
Speaking of which, I’m so sorry to call our annual meeting early, Beelze, but I’m really worried about what I’m seeing down on Earth. There’s so much destruction! I almost mistook the bombings in Iraq for hellfire…thought you were trying to stir things up.

SATAN
Oh no! Are you kidding? I’d be just as happy to wash my hands clean of that place. Those evil buggers are coming up with ideas I couldn’t even conjure up! The whole planet, all those people: I’m done with them all. You should see the types I’m getting in Hell these days. Real bastards. We’re not talking your average run-of-the-mill bastards; I’m talking real assholes.

(GOD and SATAN are sitting across from one another and BOYFRIEND takes the seat in between at the head of the table. BOYFRIEND sets mug down on table in front of SATAN.)

BOYFRIEND
(To SATAN) Be careful; it’s hot!

SATAN
(To BOYFRIEND) Oh, thank you, doll.

(SATAN carefully sips her coffee and continues.)

SATAN
And, yanno, I thought Hitler would be the end of it. When he came through my fiery gates I almost wanted to turn him away. “Hell’s closed,” I said to myself, but…what are ya gonna do?

GOD
How is Adolph doing, anyway? He’s the one that made me rethink my whole “humans should have free will” philosophy.

SATAN
Well, therapy seems to be doing him some good. He’s working through his mommy issues. I got someone to show him how to shave properly.

GOD
Wonderful! He was also the one who made me rethink facial hair as a prominent male feature. (Looks at BOYFRIEND) But I just love his five o’clock shadow.

(GOD pinches BOYFRIEND’s cheek. BOYFRIEND grins happily and makes a kissy faces.)

GOD
(To SATAN, distressed) Oh, Beelze, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am a merciful being. I don’t punish harshly. Hell! If I denied salvation to everyone who had sex before marriage, I’d be joining your ranks. –

SATAN
Oh, you’re welcome any time! –

GOD
I’ve loosened the rules for them and all I really ask for is that they not kill my creations: themselves…and the planet they inhabit. Is that asking too much?

SATAN
Heavens no! And I sympathize, hun, I do. Look, as far as I’m concerned you should just give them their Goddamn apocalypse already…no offence.

GOD
If only it were that easy. Yanno, Jesus is so preoccupied with his band these days that if I even mention the idea of a second coming he gets all annoyed with me.

(SATAN pops up and grabs a newspaper from atop the kitchen counter. As she speaks, she holds the paper in one hand and points at it with her free hand. Then, she slams it on the table with the word: “Incorrectly.”)

SATAN
Well, has he been keeping up with the news lately? I mean: the Jews are back in the Promised Land. Granted, he didn’t put them there, but…the humans don’t seem to actually care what their God wants anymore. They just go on assuming and interpreting. Incorrectly.

(SATAN takes her seat at the table back.)

GOD
I know! Who knew Moses’ stutter would cause such misunderstandings. Not one of my best moves, I must admit.

(BOYFRIEND picks up newspaper and begins shuffling through the sections. He picks one a reads to himself as GOD and SATAN continue their conversation.)

BOYFRIEND
(Peering over newspaper at GOD) Ahh, you can’t blame yourself for this. Or Moses. There is no way – through any upside down human translation – that you ever requested the killing of people.

GOD
Did you hear that America is sending more troops? More of my young kids are gonna die!

SATAN
I’m telling you: they want the end of the world? Go give it to ‘em! Start with a clean slate. What are you really destroying anyway? (SATAN waits momentarily for an answer) Nothing you can’t easily replace! Destroy it all: their gas guzzling SUVs, their bombs, their tanks. But don’t do any of this flood shit – .

GOD
Oh, I already promised no more floods. But, whom would I save? I don’t want to save any of these wretched people. None of them get it. None of them love me just because it feels good and is right. (GOD glances at BOYFRIEND) Well, except for you. (GOD grazes BOYFRIEND’s face with a gentle hand) All they care about is salvation, salvation, salvation.

BOYFRIEND
(Lowering newspaper, still clutching the edges) Oh, hun, I’m sure they love you. I sure do! And if they don’t, they just don’t know what they’re missing. They are all very misguided, busy people.

GOD
And that’s another thing! (GOD begins to get riled up) Why are they all so busy all the time, rushing around? Don’t they know I’ve created some of the most beautiful sceneries in the entire universe just for them? Don’t they know books and music were created for their enjoyment?

(GOD jumps out of her seat, disgustedly. Having finished her coffee, she places the mug in the dishwasher and slams the dishwasher’s door shut.)

SATAN
(Watching GOD fidget with the dishwasher) Obviously not. It’s a damn shame too. Yanno, I recently revisited Mount Everest for the first time in centuries. It’s really a magnificent sight.

GOD
(Leaning against the kitchen counter located behind the table, GOD looks at SATAN and begins to tear up a little) Ohhh, Beelze. Thank you. (Walks over to the sitting SATAN, another embrace) I put a lot of work into that, but people these days are too fat and busy to take time to climb some silly old mountain anymore.

(GOD, still anxious and upset, walks to the refrigerator and searches it for a bottle of water. GOD pulls out a plastic bottle and fiddles with the cap which refuses to twist off and adds to her frustration.)

SATAN
That’s why I’m saying: destroy them all. Those ungrateful little bastards can’t appreciate the world they live in. They’re all so worried about the end? Well, give ‘em something to worry about.

BOYFRIEND
(To GOD) Let me get that.

(BOYFRIEND lowers the newspaper, grabs the bottle, and twists the cap off. He then hands it back to the flustered deity and continues reading his article.)

GOD
(Back at her post, leaning against the counter; to SATAN) I don’t know. I like being thought of as forgiving.

SATAN
I know, El, but sometimes even good kids need a spanking.

(SATAN stands and walks over to GOD. SATAN rubs GOD’s shoulders in an attempt to comfort her.)

GOD
Ugh…and all the paper work.

SATAN
Well, yeah, there will be a lot of paperwork.

GOD
And all their screaming, their begging for forgiveness. All their desperate last minute attempts to try to convince me they really do love me, that they really are moral people, interested in doing good things for their fellow men. All their lies…as if I’m not the all knowing!

SATAN
Human screaming is the worst. I get the worst headaches ever from human screaming.

GOD
Oh, I know. Isn’t it the worst?

SATAN
The worst!

GOD
Heaven is dealing with overcrowding, too: centuries of use without any upgrades. I let anyone in who attempted to do good deeds in his life, even if he didn’t always believe in me in his heart. (GOD whispers) To tell you a secret, I’ve even been letting atheists in. Some of those guys have done some pretty impressive stuff. (Back in her normal tone) But, I suppose since I am God, I can always put in a work order to expand Heaven. Again.

SATAN
Hell is dealing with overcrowding too…mainly your people. Haha. Who would have thought? You’re merciful to atheists and I’m damning believers!

GOD
I know: some crazy irony! I’d rather deal with your people than mine.

SATAN
So would I. (SATAN looks down, ponderously) So, I suppose if you brought about the apocalypse…I’d be…uh…seeing a few more of those types?

GOD
You’d be seeing more than a few. You’d probably wind up with most of the Earthy population of believers. It’s a repulsive amount of people who claim to love me and go directly against what I said.

(GOD sits back down at the table and SATAN follows suit, but they have switch chairs.)

SATAN
Well, maybe you could send someone down there…you know…to straighten them out? Send Mohammed or something. Then maybe the Muslims will cool it with their “Sharia is the only proper law” thing and maybe the Christians will back off. Tell Mohammed to tell them all to chill out.

GOD
Remember what happened the last time I sent a prophet to straighten them all out? Remember how I used to only have to worry about the Jews and then they all split into a hundred new sects, impossible to keep track of!? Remember how they…yanno…nailed Jesus to a tree!?

SATAN
(Disappointed) Oh, yeah.

BOYFRIEND
Ouch, yeah, sucks to be that dude.

GOD
No, yanno, maybe you’re right, Beelze. Maybe those little rats do deserve the second coming, but boy are the going to regret it.

(GOD stands up and begins to pace with excitement in the space between the kitchen counter and the table.)

SATAN
Oh, El, don’t be so hasty. I mean: you did create that planet and all its inhabitants. It’d kind of be like killing your own child for wetting the bed.

GOD
You cannot equate war and murder with wetting the bed! (To BOYFRIEND who has been half listening to the conversation; GOD pokes BOYFRIEND in the back with her finger to indicate he should take his nose out of the newspaper) What do you think?

(BOYFRIEND folds up the newspaper, stands, and leans against the counter.)

BOYFRIEND
I don’t know, Fluffypoo; when you told them I wasn’t a deity and that I didn’t exist, I sorta stopped paying attention to those humans down there.

GOD
(To SATAN) See? Damn misinterpretations! (To BOYFRIEND, upset; she stops pacing and stands shoulder-to-shoulder with BOYFRIEND) I never meant to convince them you didn’t exist! I still thought some of them would believe in you! I only said: “you shall have no other gods before me.” I never said you didn’t exist or that you were a bad guy!

(BOYFRIEND rests his arm around GOD.)

BOYFRIEND
Oh, honey bear, I’m not upset with you! I’m grateful, really. I wouldn’t want to have to deal with any of those pricks down there now!

(GOD huffs back over to the table and sits back down across from SATAN in the seat in which SATAN had originally sat.)

GOD
How is it possible that I created a planet full of fools?

SATAN
You were young, El. You didn’t understand what a massive responsibility Creation would be. But you know you can’t just give up on it all now.

GOD
But why not? The purpose of human existence is to live a good, moral life in which you love your neighbor as your brother and you love your God because it fills you with joy. The human experience does not reflect that at all. Instead, they kill and say it’s for me. Well, I don’t want your blood! Your killing makes me feel dirty! Maybe Earth could be my first draft. Maybe I’ll get an A the next time around.

SATAN
No, no! Come on. What about the Amazon Rain Forest, the Grand Canyon? What about the Great Barrier Reef and Niagara Falls? And what about the UN…and Doctors Without Borders? Those are a couple great causes and they’re manmade!

GOD
Well, I did always appreciate sweaty doctors working for a good cause. (BOYFRIEND, feeling a little slighted, clears his throat; to BOYFRIEND) Oh, I always appreciate you all hot and sweaty too, darling.

(BOYFRIEND smiles and walks to the refrigerator. He opens the door and shuffles around.)

SATAN
I say: you just let those silly humans down there work this thing out.

GOD
But how much more killing is it going to take? How many more wars? They no longer deserve my forgiveness or my patience.

SATAN
But damning them all on a whim isn’t fair.

(BOYFRIEND pulls out container of orange juice.)

BOYFRIEND
Anything to drink, El? Beelze?

SATAN
(To BOYFRIEND) A water would be splendid.

GOD
(To BOYFRIEND) No thanks, hun. (To SATAN) Look, I gave them guidance and they misread it. I gave them prophets to listen to and they didn’t. I’ve given them any number of things for which all I have asked in return was a little respect. Instead, I have a planet full of selfish little pigs.

SATAN
Hey, at least the whole planet isn’t American, right!?

GOD
Oh! And those Americans! Don’t even get me started! Some superpower they are! They have the ability to make the world so much better, so much healthier. But do they? No!

SATAN
You can’t fix the world in a day, El.

(BOYFRIEND pours himself a glass of orange juice. Then, he untwists another cap off a plastic water bottle and hands the bottle to SATAN. He takes his glass and sits back down in his seat.)

SATAN
(To BOYFRIEND) Thanks so much.

GOD
(To SATAN) Their idea of creating a better tomorrow is electing the right singer for American Idol! I present them with choices – because I think that’s only fair – and they elect the nincompoop to higher office instead of the one with good human rights and environmental records. They all make foolish decisions and if I don’t destroy the world, they’re going to do it themselves!

BOYFRIEND
I’m with ya, El. Screw ‘em. God giveth and God can taketh away. “Fire and brimstone” their asses.

SATAN
(To BOYFRIEND, sharply) Oh, now you have an opinion! (To GOD, caringly) Just think good and hard about this. You’ve been working for billions of years on this projects –”

GOD
And it’s a failure!

SATAN
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Patience, El, patience.

(GOD stands in defiance.)

GOD
No, Beelze. I think I’m done being a carefree deity. You’re right. If it’s apocalypse they want, then it’s apocalypse they shall get!