I'm drowning in clocks
and there are big hands and little hands
boarding at the docks.
The ships, where they lay,
carry away all my shocks
from yesterday passed tomorrow
in a brown postage box.
It's secured with locks
to protect what is mine,
but nothing leads to another
and it's recording in rhyme.
We're all voices and shadows
within spaces and grime.
The inevitability of circles
should be a crime.
So I'll meet you next time
beside the playground fence
where we'll fool around and run
and hide from our parents.
In my memory, there are holes,
but even worse, there are dents;
Our fortunes and secrets
no longer make sense.
Counting hours for distance
while hearts fade,
I'm throwing up my sentences,
every confession made.
And then that ticking voice
offers me a trade,
but our connections are dissolving
and are horribly frayed.
Our lives were delayed
and now they run conversely.
My brain used to love you
despite impossibility,
but the sun has stolen
our youthful unity;
I won't fight him, though:
he has his immunity.
To the burden of uncertainty,
I am no longer confined.
In your shadow is a shape:
a body and a mind.
That spot behind my eyes
is no longer blind.
So, my history was continued
not merely redefined.
********************************************************
ROFL@life.
This is about how weird life can be, especially when you live long enough - and love long enough - to watch things come full circle. It's supposed to be sad while also being optimistic. It's about feeling disoriented, but knowing it's the only way to get back on your feet, to a place where sometimes things make sense again. It really IS about how time is poetry. Over hours, day, years, and on, lives are lived and lessons are learned and if you focus it right, you can make something come of it. Unanswerable questions - only with time and passion - find their answers. Maybe that's how one finds love too. There's time to right your wrongs. There's time to reconnect. There's time for those relationships that make no sense right now to work themselves out, define themselves, and redefine themselves. There's time to pull yourself out of whatever fucking ditch you threw yourself into and make it into something of beauty, of art, of worth. You just have to DO it. Kevin wrote me once and said: "Nothing's ever 'over.' Life is about accepting these pieces of ourselves that are fucked up and realizing that through acceptance we can better figure out how to keep those pieces at bay." Even your low points can have meaning if you make something good come of it. Don't let yourself waste away in vain.
This is about time taking things away and giving things back all in due course.
"Sew it on. Face the fool. December's tragic drive when time is poetry and stolen the world outside, the waiting could crush my heart..." Sunny Day Real Estate Seven [Clearly, I don't quote this song enough.]
"With the salt all ablaze and the ships where they lay, there must be great fear in a spark..." AA Bondy Of The Sea
"Meet me there in the blue where words are not. Feeling remains: sincerity, trust in me, throw myself into your door. I go in circles. Running down..." Sunny Day Real Estate In Circles
"But the connections go. Bubbles break on the surface like they do on the flooded craters round here - the ones that've been here for years and have God knows what underneath." Billy Prior via Pat Barker The Ghost Road
"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it." Winston Churchill
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