Nerve

Another disappointment
which I've brought about.
Your disapproving eyes,
your discontented voice:
it's all that rings in the space
between my two ears.
It rattles,
like snakes do.
It growls
like the rabid
with contemptuous foam
and poisonous breath.
No proud maternal smiles,
just cold distance as I wait
for my head to be bitten off
like the runts of litters.
You are anxiety
and tension.
You smite deeds done
in the best of spirits.
You are an anchor,
locking me down.
You are the will
which raises the knife.
It's your hand
on the handle
and your strength
that breaks my nerve.
So innocent you
assume yourself to be,
yet so murderous
the result of your actions.
Thoughtless words
spoken in haste,
a happy symbol
turned to dark:
another mistake
added to your list.
I'm sure the tally's
monumental and meticulous.
Jab once or twice:
I feel nothing at all.
'Nothing?'
'Nothing.'
The breaking of skin
is numbed by experience.
The only pain I feel now
is courtesy of you.

***************************************


LEAR: To thee and thine hereditary ever
Remain this ample third of our fair kingdom;
No less in space, validity, and pleasure,
Than that conferr'd on Goneril. Now, our joy,
Although the last, not least; to whose young love
The vines of France and milk of Burgundy
Strive to be interess'd; what can you say to draw
A third more opulent than your sisters? Speak.

CORDELIA: Nothing, my lord.

LEAR: Nothing?

CORDELIA: Nothing.

LEAR: Nothing will come of nothing: speak again.

CORDELIA: Unhappy that I am, I cannot heave
My heart into my mouth: I love your majesty
According to my bond; nor more nor less.