New Hampshire Moose

I used to know this guy, Joe. Joe was terrified of moose. When he was a kid, his grandfather used to tell him stories about the moose in New Hampshire and how - if you're not careful - they can kill you.

"They'll charge at anything that moves, sonny!" his grandfather would always tell him.

Joe had a natural fear of moose from then on and refused to ever visit New Hampshire.

However, Joe could only avoid the state for so long before the inevitable happened: his grandfather died. His grandfather, who had grown up in New Hampshire, wished to be buried in his home state. Being the good guy that he was, Joe felt obligated to attend the funeral of his dear grandfather.

Now a 28 year old journalist living in Chicago, Joe hopped on a plane for New Hampshire where he was greeted by various family members. He's arranged to spend a few nights at his aunt's home.

The funeral was a beautiful service, so the story goes, at least. I was not there. Apparently, Joe's grandfather was beloved man. Even the mayor of the small town showed up. It was a bitter sweet service: sad for all the reasons funerals are sad for, but also joyous for all the memories Joe's family recreated.

After the reception had ended, Joe traveled with his aunt, uncle, and two young cousins to their home. It was a modest home, as homes in New Hampshire go at least. They plopped Joe in the guest room: first floor in the back of the house.

Exhausted, Joe loosened his tie and threw it to the floor. He then kicked off his shoes and laid flat on his back on the guest room mattress. Dazed and half asleep, he then heard and enormous splash and saw the back light flash on. Confused, Joe sat straight up and then ran to the window.

Out back, he saw a huge beast in the family's pool. At first, Joe was unable to recognize the creature. It was dark and the splashing made it difficult for the back light to shed any brightness on the animal.

But then, Joe's beast managed to pull itself from the water and on to the back deck. Now, staring it straight in the eyes, Joe recognized the species. He was facing a nine foot tall New Hampshire moose who was now wet and angry.

Joe screamed and, though he rarely admits to this, wet himself and ran from the room. In the hall, he encountered his twelve year old cousin.

"What, Cousin Joe? What's wrong!?" said the boy.

"MOOSE!" shouted Joe.

The boy gave a questioning look, but alerted his parents nonetheless.

Joe's uncle (though not by blood, by marriage) was first on the scene. Carrying a baseball bat, he opened the back door. Much to Joe's dismay, there was no sight of his giant moose nor any sign that the pool had been disturbed.

Embarrassed, now, Joe swore to his story. However, most of us believe this is just the story he tells to explain why he still wets the bed sometimes.


**************************************************

^ Don't ask. ^

This story was written on the fly at abour 1am. It has no moral. It's just supposed to be silly...and about moose.