Deep Blue

I wrote you in my notebook
and you were deep blue.
I embellished you with marker
until you looked new.

Then I closed my notebook
to try to keep you in.
But you wouldn't lay flat
and you were far too thin.

Now creased and blemished
and too damaged to repair,
I tore you out in anguish
though I know it seemed unfair.

Guilt ridden and all alone,
I laid you peacefully at rest.
Knowing the innocence was long gone
and somehow this was for the best.


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This was partially inspired by Kevin Devine's "Haircut" and partially by a stanza from one of Nicole's latest blogs: "I took these reminders, / and ripped it up tiny. / I turned off, tuned out / and kept in."

I liked the idea from "Haircut" that memories are associated with things, materials, events, songs, writings...haircuts, etc. He also has a narrative where he takes you through this weird dreamlike story. It's very innocent, but also very sad. I enjoy it. I enjoy Kevin...in case you couldn't tell.

I liked that Nicole "ripped" up her "reminders," so I chose my reminder to be a notebook with easy to damage pages - because my reminder really is my journal.

I don't know. It's silly and has a dumb little rhyme going, but since I haven't felt very creative recently, I am relatively pleased with it. It takes Kevin's story telling technique and combines it with Nicole's paper-ripping imagery. At least, that's what I was sorta going for. :/

I'm really tired and not making much sense. All apologies.

As for what it's about, I guess it's about trying to move on. It's about trying to accept those memories, but see them for what they really are. Don't give the characters more of the benefit of the doubt than they deserve and when it's over, let it be over, and discard it. Take from those memories everything you can learn, but once there's nothing left, don't go looking for something that's not there.

"If there's nothing left to lose than there's nothing left to prove" - The Miracle of '86.

Haha...it's about 4am. I have a radio show in twelve hours I have yet to prepare. I think sleep is in order right now, though.




I saw your haircut in a storefront with choppy sides and perfect bangs. I loved the way it framed the model's cheekbones and the blank expression on her face. So, I went inside and tried to buy it, but I got told it's not for sale. I got embarrassed and I decked the sales clerk, I stole the wig, and ran like hell. And I figured I would come and show you, so I kept running towards your house. Then I remembered I don't have your address, he's not the one you sleep with now. So, I hurried home to get collected, to let the red flush from my face. I took out my notebook and I sketched you smiling. I like to think of you that way. Then I put your haircut in my closet next to your tee shirts and your cards. I turned the lights out and I sunk in, slowly,counting sheep and breathing hard. But when it comes it's way too quickly and it busts apart the faith I've grown: see, I can't stop myself from hurting you, so I guess I won't. - Kevin Devine "Haircut"